Wednesday, October 3, 2012

On the Comeback Trail

Where have I been? I guess you can say I have been waiting for the right moment to start blogging again and that time is now. I am not sure how I would describe my running this year except to say that it has been a long journey trying to get back to a normal running routine and the most difficult thing is just trying to get back into running shape and finding that running identity that I once had. I think people just imagine that you wake up, put on a pair a shoes and start running down the street but what they really don’t know are the struggles to keep yourself healthy and driven to run and to compete day in and day out. My goal this year was to race less and to try to focus on getting stronger and healthier but somehow I found myself just as injured and running less. I began to try and cram in one day of running out of the week but on that one day, I tried to go out all and the only result was injury after injury. I kept looking for some kind of magic without putting in the time and effort that I once did in the past. What I quickly realized was how much of my competitive spirit and drive I had lost. When you are not competing and racing you just feel less inclined to run hard. I noticed that I would go out on a run but if I didn’t feel it, I would just shut it down. I felt like there was no need to push myself but I never trained this way in the past.
In August, I decided it was time to get back to hard knocks. I have really been waiting a whole year to redeem my running performance at the Point Mugu trail race in October so I figured what I needed to do was get back to Point Mugu State park and just familiarize myself with the trail. It only took a few minutes on the trail to realize that this trail was truly my nemesis. A few minutes into running at Point Mugu and I had a flashback to last year when I ran the race and basically was out of the race within the first 5 minutes. I have never felt that way in a race but it was a good experience for me, one that has haunted me the last year so I have spent just about every weekend running at Point Mugu. Some days it was so hot I felt like I was going to pass out from heat exhaustion but I kept pushing on. I was battling two things. One was trying to get back into running shape and the other is the memory of last year’s race.
In the last few weeks, I really started to find myself and I discovered what was missing and it was that edge that I once ran with and the drive that I had for running. How do you get it back? I am not sure but out on the trail when it is 96 degrees and you have to run up one of the more leg busting trails in California, you have to ask yourself how much you want it. You have to push until you have nothing left. I would wake up Monday morning barely able to walk but it felt good because I knew I had found that feeling I lost. Now the even more difficult thing lies ahead and that is running the trail race in two weeks. I know I have put in time, the training, and enough sweat to fill up a bucket but I am just hoping to put it all together on race day.
I am ready to step back into the spotlight.